Description of The Path That Led Me to Bible College English KL Paulson 10/7/1992
I suppose if I could summarize in one
word the path that led me to Bible college it
would be CONCERN. I got a burden for soul winning
after going out Thursday nights mainly out of
obedience but also a release from stress at grad school
doing my studies and research. It got even to the
point that all I could think about during evenings
at Ladd Hall doing chemistry was those lost
souls with out Christ. Really I didn't have anyone
in particular in mind to win to the Lord except
my immediate loved ones. Sure I was concerned about
visitors to the church, the prayer requests of other brothers
and sisters in Christ, and others, but I wanted
to win some one to the Lord by His grace. I
wanted God to use me if He would allow this
and if it was His will. Frustration of course developed
after I found out that I had a 'fear' so
to speak of witnessing to closer acquaintances and the
like. I mean I could ask an
acquaintance to church one time, but after
this I became 'chicken.' This of course
was not good or pleasing to God since He expects [me/us]
to confess Him with our mouth to others.
During this time, however, I was probably
witnessing too much via on-line computer boards
to the extent that I would not have time to
respond by writing to several corresponders.
At one point I was careless because someone
asked me in so many words 'How can we
be sure we have covered all the bases?' This
struck me as a real opportunity to help
someone with God's way of salvation. This
individual really seemed open to my opinion.
By my opinion I mean he wanted to know my
side. But really I wanted to tell this person
my opinion didn't mean 'beans.' All my
life before I got saved I had taken man's
word for it in many cases. About the only
thing I questioned were newspaper articles
that misquoted so and so ballgame of the
week.
Anyways to make a long story much shorter
I never got in touch with the above open person.
Opportunity was there I thought but I
had hesitated. I had not responded in appropriate
time to his important response wanting answers.
Boy I thought I had failed God in whatever
way. I could have done something to
help this individual. And even if I could have
helped this individual by showing him what God
desires about salvation I knew back then God
would need to do quite a lot, because I didn't
know everything. I mean my burden for souls
needed spiritual food. I needed time and
knowledge to get more fully equipped for the
battle. How could I do this if I was
expected to be in the Lab basically all day
Mondays through Saturdays from ~8:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m.
and then after supper also? During
this time all I could think about while I was in the Lab
was when was supper time so I could escape for
a few minutes. Attending church and the other
ministries meant a great deal to me. Eventually
nothing was taken for granted. My course demands
and pressure from certain sources just didn't
command anything right with my heart. Finally
one day I basically had had enough. Enough people
around you that just didn't know the truth.
Enough rock-n-roll junk played in your ears from
sun up to sun down. Enough pressure to the point
that the pressure didn't concern me any more. I
had my Second Year Seminar coming up and needed
to be prepared for it. So what I did was
prepare and prepare, and then prepare some more for
it at the expense of hurting myself in an important
main discipline compulsory course. I knew my testimony
so to speak was on the line. I reasoned with my
self at length thereof but couldn't find an out.
Either the Seminar was going to 'bomb' or this particular
class. ('Bomb' is getting a C in Grad School of course.)
For
brevity sake my Seminar had to take priority.
Everyone in the Department would see it and my
advisor and fellow groupies would expect rave
reviews. Well I did something less than my
best on the Seminar for lack of time and
desire to say the least. Financial repercussions
occurred so that I could not in my opinion
continue my program at N.D.S.U. at least
for now. I talked with the Pastor, my advisor
and graduate committee and we all agreed
with my future discontinuation. Boy was I happy
and yet sad too. I was free to let go
of my responsibilities presently, but I knew
feared the future without finances in a
maybe I should & could have done this and this
attitude. Well, I did step out in faith
with some fear. God made some moves, namely
allowing me to last Spring continue to
teach at N.D.S.U. in the Chemistry Department.
This was one of my short term dreams
and prayer requests that He provided. Summer
came along of course. I knew I would
need to be searching for a real job something
yet fearful for me as usual. [I] didn't really
look too hard though and procrastinated once again.
Finally some temporary jobs occurred intermittently
but nothing really exciting I thought. However,
God then and now has been teaching me patience
and the idea to wait upon the Lord for He
is good. Well, I now do have a job that
will last for a few weeks at least. Responsibilities
now [I] have chosen to accept are building
up but the idea of the Christian life [ever] being [or]
never getting dull is ringing clearer and clearer.
Amen.
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