WHAT A HURTING FRIEND NEEDS MOST
Job chapters 4-7

Job had three friends, Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar, who came to comfort him.   In their coming to
comfort their suffering friend they did some things right.   First, they traveled long distances to
visit him.   Second, they let him vent his frustration and bitterness.

Job expressed his bitterness and hopelessness in 3:11-26.

Notice especially verse 11.   It takes much patience and love to listen to that kind of a statement
from a respected believer.   Most friends would have left, but Job's did not.

One of the most important things that can be done when someone is experiencing testing or
suffering is to listen without criticizing.   Also, timing in defending God is important.   It may not
be the time to remind them of the faithfulness of God until they have had their say.   Let them vent
their emotional pain.   When people are hurting they need someone to listen patiently to their
bitterness and yet love them no less for being honest about their feelings.

Job's friends did some things right.   They allowed him to speak his p[ea]ce.   Also, as they were
listening they collected their thoughts for the speeches that are found in the book of Job.
However, there were some things that Job's friends did wrong and we will consider them.

  1. Eliphaz's Rationalization (Chapters 4-5)

    Job's friends sat and listened to him for seven days.   He was apparently the oldest of Job's
    three friends and for that reason speaks first.   He says in 4:2, "If we assay to commune
    with thee, wilt thou be grieved?"

    Eliphaz says in verses 3 and 4 three things to Job.

    1. Job had instructed many.
    2. Job had strengthened weak hands and feeble knees.
    3. Job had helped sustain and lift some that had been falling.
    But Eliphaz then goes further, and in essence says, "Job, you can't practice what you
    preach"     (4:5).   Eliphaz says that Job could give good advice to others when they were
    having adversity, but when trials come into his life he falters or is troubled.   "Job, you can
    talk the talk, but you can't walk the walk."

    Eliphaz states in verse six, [one should] have confidence in the fact that he fears God and
    that God always blesses the righteous and punishes the wicked.   In verse seven, Eliphaz
    states actually that a good person will never suffer to the point of death and the righteous
    will not die that way.   In other words, "Job, have you ever known a good person to suffer
    to the point of death like you are?   Can you name just one?"

    Eliphaz then presents two arguments to prove his point.

    First, in 4:12-21 he relates a hair raising experience (verse 15) in which he received a
    revelation from God.   Considering the context it does not look much like God really

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    spoke to him.   To us today, visions are no longer necessary because we have the complete
    canon of the Scriptures.   We must always compare Scripture with Scripture.   Our practice
    should be that of the Bereans in Acts 17:11.

    Secondly, Eliphaz bases the second argument on his life experiences (5:1- 7).   Eliphaz
    implies that Job is acting foolishly.   He sums up this argument with "Yet man is born unto
    trouble, as the sparks fly upward"     (ver. 7).   In other words, sorrow and tragedy is part of
    life.   Life is like a grindstone.   It can grind us down or sharpen us up.   The grindstone of
    life will do one of two things to us - it makes us better or bitter.   In the midst of adversity
    some people become more loving and more compassionate, while others become angry
    and cut and slash with their tongue.   It is not what happens to us that determines what
    kind of people we will be but how we react that makes all the difference.

    It has been said that "the same sun that hardens clay also melts butter."   Why is it that the
    same cause produces different effects?   The reason is in the reaction of the substance.   As
    human beings we are different from clay or butter in that we have a choice as to how we
    will react to the heat of trials, afflictions or suffering.   We have no control over what
    happens to us, but we can control how we react to what happens to us.   We decide
    whether the bad things that happen to us in life will make us better or bitter.

    In verses 8-17, Eliphaz reveals that he believes all of Job's problems are a result of sin in
    his life.   In verse 17 he implies that that which Job is experiencing is the chastening of
    God.   God only chastens because of sin in the life.

  1. Job's Reply (6:1-7:21)

    In chapter 6 Job reveals his disappointment with his friends.   Though only Eliphaz spoke,
    it appears that Bildad and Zophar agreed with what he had said.

    Job's friends did not understand the torment of his suffering nor the bitterness that he felt.
    Job felt that he was a target at which God was shooting arrows of adversity (6:4).

    In verse 5 Job asks, "Doth the wild ass bray when he hath grass? or loweth the ox over
    his fodder?"       Job was claiming the right [to] make a harsh cry of complaint or bellow like an
    ox deprived of hay and left to starve.   When these animals are well-fed they are silent.
    Job was starving or hurting for understanding and compassion from his friends.   Eliphaz's
    speech only made Job feel worse.

    What Job needed was not a lecture or criticism, but pitty and kindness (ver. 14).

    We are commanded in Ephesians 4:32 to be kind and tenderhearted.   In I Corinthians 13:4
    the Bible says love is kind.   There are at least three manifestations of kindness.

    1. Kindness always shows compassion (Luke 10:30-35).   If we are "kind" we will have
      compassion for the needs and feelings of others and seek to do something to help.
      When adversity comes many people, beaten and bruised by emotional pain and
      disillusionment, are left to suffer beside the road of life.

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    1. Kindness always seeks to bring relief to the hurt and burden of others.   Read
      Matthew 11:28-30.   The Greek word translated easy (chrestos) is the same word
      translated kind in I Cor. 13:4.   The illustration is of a yoke of oxen.   A farmer in
      the days of the New Testament would train a young, inexperienced ox by having it
      walk alongside an experienced ox but not carry the load.   The inexperienced ox did
      not carry the load but was simpy learning how to plow walking alongside the
      experienced ox, Galatians 6:2 applies here.   The law of Christ is best summed up in
      the commandment of Christ in John 13:34.

    2. Kindness is understanding that the experience is painful and confusing.   It should
      not be our purpose to make the person feel guilty for their pain, sorrow, or
      confusion.   Kindness is letting the person know it is all right to hurt and grieve.

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