When I was five years old, I began
attending a Baptist church in New
Jersey with my father and mother.   I
attended a Christian School, and our
pastor preached and taught only from
the Bible.

On February 24, 1986, at the age of
eight, I went forward at church to get
saved.   (Note: saved and salvation are
Biblical terms referring to the
forgiveness of sins by God and the
rescue of a person from the power
and penalty of that sin.   This is God's
requirement for everlasting life.)   The
Preacher had just finished preaching
a message, but I can't remember what
it was about.   He asked if there was
anyone who wanted to get saved, so I
went forward.   I was taken into a small
room with about ten other kids.   The
teacher then lead us in a prayer, and
I went away claiming salvation.   The
next six years were full of question
and doubt.

In 1991, my family moved from New
Jersey to Pennsylvania.   I was
shattered!   I had to leave all my friends
behind.   My only dream was to move
back to New Jersey.   I began attending
public school, and soon the good little
girl facade began to fade.   I became
very rebellious in my heart and did
things at school that I knew my
parents would not like.   But I never
let my family see who I really was.   As
soon as I came home from school, I
put my good little girl facade back on.
I was playing the hypocrite.

There was a girl in my school that
claimed to be a Christian.   I would
tease her along with the rest of the
kids.   There was another girl that
carried a little New Testament
everywhere she went.   I never once
carried my Bible to school, even
though, when I was in Christian
school, I was never without a Bible in
my hand.   These things should have
bothered me, or made me to stop and
think, but I just went right on.   My so-
called Christian life was a sham.

One day, my Mom drove past a sign
pointing to the Lehigh Valley Baptist
Church.   As we had been looking for a
good church in the area, she decided
to attend.   We all began attending
faithfully after that.   The more we went
to church, the more I began to see
that I was a hypocrite.   I started
rearranging my priorities, and began
to do what other Christians around
me did.   I kept trying to convince
myself that I was saved.

But one thing was missing from my
life that I could not find.   I tried, but I
could never make my heart have the
peace and joy that I saw in others
around me.   I would always think, "Of
course I'm saved.   Look at all the good
things I do."   I thought that Satan was
causing me to doubt, therefore I never
stopped to do what Paul says we should
do in 2 Corinthians 13:5: "Examine
yourselves, whether ye be in the
faith; prove your own selves."
Sometimes I would pray, "Lord, if I'm

not saved, save me!"   I knew in my heart
that I was lost, but I chose to push my
doubts aside.   This went on for six
years.   My eyes were so blinded to the
truth.

On October 29, 1992, I went into my
room and tried to sleep, but could not!
I opened my Bible, but found no peace.
My heart was so heavy.   I shut my Bible
and said, "Lord, I can't take it anymore!
I'm either saved or I'm not.   I have to know
which it is.   Either I look at my so-called
salvation, and say I'm saved, or I have to
know why I'm lost."   God then began to
show me that the reason I was lost
was because I had not put my trust in
Him that day in 1986.   "OK, Lord," I
said.   "I'm lost.   And if I ask you to save
me, you have to save me because I'm not
going through this again!"

I then began to think of what Christ
had gone through for me, to make it
possible that I could be saved.   It was
when I saw the cross of Christ that I
also saw myself.   All those "good
things" I had been doing were nothing
but filthy rags.   "But we are all as a
unclean thing, and all our
righteousness are as filthy rags."
(Isaiah 64:6)   In Bible days, a filthy
rag was hung on a post outside the
gate of the city.   A leper would use
that rag to wipe away his pus, and
hang the rag back up on the post, for
someone else.   If that is what my
righteousness looked like, how did God
see my wickedness?   My heart broke,
as I realized my sin before a holy God.

After I saw all my filth, I really did
not think that I could possibly pray the
perfect prayer for salvation.   I just
prayed from my heart, "Save me, Lord.
You said you would, but I don't know if
you would want to, for I'm so wicked.
Lord, I'm a sinner and I know you died
for me.   Please save me."   I finally could
not pray anymore.   All I could do was
look up and trust.   Then it became
clear to me.   I had not been placing
my trust in God alone.   I had been
asking God to save me and forgive me,
but at the same time I was trying to
think of everything that I had to do.   I
was trying to be sure that I said all
the right words, and that I had enough
repentance.   For the first time, I saw
salvation as a gift, not something for
which I had to work.   I had been making
salvation very hard, when it is really
quite easy.

Once I stepped out by faith, and
admitted that I was lost, I then had
godly sorrow over my sin.   "For godly
sorrow worketh repentance to
salvation not to be repented of: but
the sorrow of the world worketh
death."   (2 Corinthians 7:10)   When I
finally saw myself as God saw me,
then all I needed to do was look up
and trust in Jesus Christ.   "That if
thou shalt confess with thy mouth
the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in
thine heart that God hath raised
him from the dead, thou shalt be
saved.   For with the heart man
believeth unto righteousness; and
with the mouth confession is made

Perhaps you don't know for sure if you
are saved.   Perhaps you are confused
and running from the truth as I had
been.   PLEASE, don't spend another
day of your life running from Christ.
Receive Him today.   The Bible says,
"Behold, now is the accepted time;
behold, now is the day of salvation."
(2 Corinthians 6:2)

Jen B. lives with her family in
Zionsville, PA.   If you would like to
hear more about the Saviour that
changed their lives, you are
welcome to attend services at the
Lehigh Valley Baptist Church at
4702 Colebrook Ave., in Emmaus,
PA, or call the church office at 610.
965.4700.   If you have a personal
computer you are invited to visit
the church's home page at
www.lvbaptist.org .   The church
also has a free Bible study
available.   Call or write to request
it, or ask for it through your
internet connection.